The Clause (aka Why we’re all here, year after year)

Why is it that each year you’re finding yourself more drawn to helping those less-fortunate on Christmas Day?

Let’s face it, it’s not like you can really say you’re becoming a better person.

You’re still a jerk.

So what’s happened to the happiest day of the year?

It’s quite simple. We’re bored. Bored beyond belief with the whole Christmas farce. The shine has well and truly come off December 25th.

But you’re stuck. Because of the Christmas contract (that you never signed but no lawyer can get you out of) which compels you to spend the day breaking bread with people you spend the rest of the year avoiding.

The Family Christmas Contract.

But there’s a tragically unexploited clause in this contract and that’s how we can help.

You can make Christmas interesting again, simply through giving.

Giving your family the shits.

Send us your questions and we’ll teach you how to ratchet up the tension over the turkey. Learn to ignite an argument with any member of your family, or any other hanger-on who lumbers in on your family’s festive season.

No one will thank you for it – in fact, if you’re really good, they won’t even know you’re the one to thank. They’ll just burst out of the Christmas togetherness at the first moment they can, scratching their heads and saying “What just happened?”

They may spend months needing to mend the fences blown down by your Operation Interesting exploits. The gift that keeps giving.

But they certainly won’t be bored. And neither will you.

Between us we’ve been through a hundred Christmases so we know the pain you’re about to go through. You can’t fight it. Resistance is useless. But there are ways you can make it more bearable. Hell, you may even have a little fun doing so.

Here are the answers to your Christmas problems.