Right, if you haven’t started panicking yet, it is definitely time to do so.
It is now FIVE sleeps until Christmas.
No doubt, like me, you’re in list-making mode.
So we’ll stick to what we know today and make a list of THINGS ABOUT CHRISTMAS THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE EVEN IF YOU’VE MANAGED TO AVOID THAT FEELING SO FAR
- That most “peace on Earth, goodwill to fellow man” of organisations, the Ku Klux Klan was founded on Christmas Day. Festive.
- You (or the free-loading guests at your house) are much more likely to be robbed on Christmas Day than any other day of the year
- There is a Mall in San Diego – and this no doubt occurs in a lot of places so let’s hold back our feelings of moral superiority – where you can pay money for your child to jump the queue to see Santa and tell him what gifts they want. Let’s just pause a moment a reflect on what a lovely society we have where children of wealthy parents don’t even have to wait in line anymore beside the children who are less likely to get what they want for Christmas. Festive.
- In Britain alone, two million turkeys that have given their lives for festive feasting but don’t get sold will be thrown away next week. Yep.
- You know how annoying Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas Is You gets after you’ve heard it say, one time? Well Mariah earns about $600,000 in royalties every single year from that song.
- Christmas is the cause of something even more damaging to the Star Wars name than Jar Jar Binks – the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special. It was a musical and featured, among other entertainment atrocities, Chewbacca’s wife, son and father (Itchy). Let us never speak of this matter again.
- Dean Martin died on Christmas Day – if ever there was a day that you don’t want to be reminded of the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption, it’s December 25th, and this happens?
Now good stuff also happens at on December 25th, so I feel it only fair to tell you a few of those. We’ll call this list THE FESTIVE ANTIDOTE
- In 1928, 14,887 people went to the Melbourne Cricket Ground on Christmas Day to watch what would have been a cracking game of cricket – NSW (v Vic) go from 8-74 to 9-113 to be 9-367 at stumps
- In 1973, “The Sting” premiered in Los Angeles and New York
- In 1990, the first successful trial run of what would become the World Wide Web occurred. I think we can all agree this has been a VERY GOOD THING
- Of every day of the year, you are least likely to get dumped on Christmas Day (although there’s a big purge on New Year’s Day, so you may get nailed in that)
- In 2015, An Austrian radio DJ barricaded himself inside a studio and played Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ 24 times in a row in 2015. That is indeed a gift.
- In 1971, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau was born. It’s early days, but he seems quite useful so far. What a refreshing change
- Yes, robberies may be up, but a Christmas robbery at Nakatomi Plaza was the backdrop for what is possibly the greatest Christmas film of all time