Mother of all newsletters

Dear Mary

My adult children don’t want me talking about their lives in our annual Christmas newsletter, but I know my friends like to hear what the kids have been up to – are they allowed to tell me what to put in my newsletter?

Signed, I’m just so proud of them all

Dear MOTHER

I know it is important to you that we know you are a Mother, so I’m putting it right up front.

You’ve raised these kids, put your “career” on hold, been left with stretch marks and no superannuation and they’ve all flown the coop. Including their father.

So you know what? You can write about their lives as much as you want. You made them and whatever they have made of their lives is for you to share as you see fit.

Understand this though, no one is really interested in the good stuff. Like if your child is doing well at school. Or someone got a promotion.

What we are interested in is the minor procedures, the major disappointments and the marital troubles.

Sure, you’ll go ahead and send the other stuff – together with several hundred tiny tiles of photographs of expensive family holidays (after all, you only spend the money to be able to say you’ve done it) – but we’re going to skip through to the good stuff. And by that I mean the bad news.

This will be devoured, enjoyed and remembered.

Knock yourself out MOTHER. Apart from gin, it’s the only remaining joy in your life for most of the miserable year.

Mary

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